Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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