I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she woke up with a sticky ear
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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