the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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