Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
