Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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