And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
