He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
