sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
