i just had sex bonerless
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
be right there i have to get my cape
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
