So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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