The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
