Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
