Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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