Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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