I want to stick my p in your. b.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
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