She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
