A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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