I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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