Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Mom said you looked used
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
