i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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