Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
