One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
