I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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