i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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