Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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