cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
