i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
