She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
