I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
