Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
