I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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