Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
