I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
