What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
