He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
