who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
two words...techno handjob
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I want to fling myself into the sun
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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