What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
