It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
