Banned from zoo.
Again?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
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