if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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