people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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