NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
