loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
