she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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