Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
