The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
