my soul wont recognize me after tonight
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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