hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
