we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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