Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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